Wedding in SA, and then a sudden loss

When we arrived August 30 at our permanent site we were repeatedly asked to join our host family at a wedding of our Babe's (head of household) niece in Barberton SA, a mining and agricultural town NE of SZ. We received expedited approval from the PC Country Director to leave SZ, and left at about 5:30 PM Friday, 9/6/13, but not before one of the family's goats had made his ultmate contribution to the festivities to nourish the dozen on so friends and family who came to the homestead Thursday and Friday. We'll try to include a picture of butchering and cooking. Unfortunately, we missed the call for dinner, and by the time we arrived only the parts involved with locomotion and digestion remained. Turns out goat is really tough, and . . . gamey. Probably an acquired taste. We've got 2 years. Vigorous brushing and flossing helped.

It should be about a 2 hour drive to Barberton, but there was a mix-up on the paperwork and we had to go by a 5 hour route through a different border crossing. The border closes at 8 PM. After much stress we got through, hearing the barricade slam shut behind us as we walked across with about a minute and a half to spare. The bride was with us, so they needed to get there. The hired khumbi was crowded and hot. We arrived at the bride's family's home (actually here daughter's home) around 11 PM, and they produced buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken, ubiquitous here, and the Swazi omnipresent staple lipalishi – like grits, but with less flavor. The family had arranged for separate houses for the men and women, and we spread out on foam mattresses on the respective floors. We had not known what to expect or what to bring; we were glad we'd brought our sleeping bags.

We had heard that South Africa generally is notably more prosperous than SZ, and this visit was consistent with that. The houses we slept in had hot showers, kitchens, microwaves, indoor plumbing – these houses would have fit easily into Crestmoor Filing 2, except for the walls around the gated community and then the separate spiked fences around each house. The community was mostly white, from what we could tell.

The PC had been at pains to help us understand important aspects of Swazi culture, particularly marriage, but I'm not sure we have that system entirely figured out. This step of marriage is the final one of a long process, and seems to occur after the groom/husband has saved enough to pay the “lobola” = “bride price”, currently around 18 cows, we understand, to the bride's family. This couple were in their 50s, grandparents; their oldest child is 34. I assume some equivalent for the cows was tendered, or they were kept elsewhere, because this was a housing subdivision, and there was no place for livestock. We understand that there were also at some point both civil and church ceremonies.

Because of the border crossing timing issue our Babe was anxious for the in-laws, putting on the wedding, to keep it moving along. He'd have been as productive pushing on a wet string. “Swazi time” applies, even among Swazis living in SA. One of the “bhuti” (brothers) joked that the in-laws were ½ Swazis, but the men who heard the remark suggested it not be shared with the in-laws.

After a delicious and bountiful breakfast we assembled at the house the bridal couple is just completing. A major part of this wedding stage is the bride's family giving gifts to each of the in-laws. The gifts were typically blankets, grass matts, or grass brooms, brought from SZ in a pickup by one of the bride's cousins.

Many of the men wore the lihiya, traditional dress. I wore traditional US wedding dress, although my bow tie was fabricated from Swazi print material. Katherine wore her “little back dress”with a lihiya tied on top.

After the gift giving all adjourned to the nearby tent, carefully decorated by the bride's family. I sat at the men's table and was, of course, served first. Nomphumelelo was at the most senior women's table, and refrained from bringing me my plate, to the amusement of the men at my table, but one of the in-law sisi (sisters – all-purpose terms for young women) made sure I was well taken care of .

During and after the meal there were numerous hymns and prayers, including a vigorous blessing by the 5 pastors in attendance from the bride's side, and some generous gift-giving to the newly-weds, including a slow-cooker and an electric bidet.

After the meal the bride's family dismantled the tent decorations, packed them and us in the khumbi, and we headed back across the border, making it in plenty of time. There was no alcohol, except for a bottle that looked like Chivas (!) shared among some men in the back of the khumbi. It wasn't offered to me, and I did not ask. The only music was the hymns, mostly from the (very religious) bride's family. No Western style dancing, though during the gift giving part the women sang and kept rhythm with their feet. Some had on shell ankle bracelets which made rhythmic rattles.

The morning after the wedding the homestead was very quiet as everyone slept late and visited quietly. We too have twice had those “it's all over” blues. Midmorning the family got a call that a cousin had “unexpectedly” died, and there were some issues on caring for the child of the marriage. This lead to a discussion between KUF – whose cross-examination skills should be required instruction for trial lawyers – and the domestic worker at our household, that the cousin died of complications from AIDS and that several members of our household are HIV positive. The PC has taught us that, with advances in medications, people who are HIV+ can live out a natural lifetime, although HIV can't be cured, and a panoply of drugs must be taken meticulously and have some side effects still being discovered. Everyone on the homestead was subdued and somber. Visitors have come and gone. We've mostly stayed out of the way. It was a good day to try the electic hair trimmer I bought; probably best to wait a few weeks before sharing pictures of the result. We are developing many useful new skills.

Uploading pictures to our blog is lengthy, expensive and uncertain because we keep losing our connection, when we can get one at all. We plan to take the computer into town where we understand there is free internet, and there we may risk trying to include some wedding pix with this narrative. Or we may get the narrative off and then send each picture as a separate post. Sorry if that is cumbersome to deal with. We can get and open email early each morning; we haven't enough connection to open attachments – pictures and documents. We'll try when we go into town.